Have Idea, Need Funds

I have a brand new business idea. And as ideas go, I think this one really rocks… or to be more apt, burns!!

I was following the (non) controversy over Gere’s kissing of Shilpa Shetty during an AIDS awareness show. Now while I feel that the kiss was just a harmless way of playing to the audience (which mostly comprised of lusty truckers, cleaners and those sorts); I am not sure that the self-appointed moral police brigade agrees. They have reacted in the best way they know – lodge FIRs and burn effigies.

I found a similar pattern in the (non) controversy over Hrithik’s kiss with Aishwarya in Dhoom 2. Now, I haven’t watched Dhoom 2 (or Dhoom for that matter) but I have received varied reports about the kiss itself – that it was 10 seconds long, 20 seconds long, 30 seconds long, it involved this/that etc etc etc. Our favourite moral guardians promptly lodged FIRs and burnt more effigies.

More recently, protesters burnt effigies of Mandira Bedi after she wore a multi-national sari during the World Cup finals. Now, I am not totally in approval of the sari, but hell, I would love to see that effigy!

Anyway, this led me to try and find out some more details about effigy burning in India. And as it turns out, this seems to be a popular pastime in the world’s largest parliamentary democracy. Now while I don’t have exact details, it seems that we have an average of at least three different celebrities having their effigies burnt every month. I am unsure as to precise number of effigies per celeb, but it is by no means a small number. Apart from this, we have effigies of (un)popular politicos, cricketers, coaches (the human kind), sportsmen and varying individuals of little or no public interest. I also chanced upon an article by Vinita Bharadwaj on effigy burning in India in the Gulf News.

Effigy burning also seems to be a largely Indian pastime, with little or no reports of similar affairs being conducted elsewhere. Although sporadic reports do emanate from other countries, effigy burning (and presumably therefore, effigy construction) remains primarily an Indian sport with limited effigies being consumed in Nepal, Sri Lanka, Pakistan and neighbouring countries.

All this has prompted me to start a new business in the construction and burning of effigies. Keeping in mind environmental considerations (since effigy burning would pollute the atmosphere), it would be apt to start off with a website – something like burnaneffigy.com

The website would feature a ‘Design Your Effigy’ section, where a visitor… I mean, protester can upload a photo of the person whose effigy is to be burnt. Protesters can also further assign body shapes and sizes to the effigy so as to get a closest match of the… err...victim. Protesters may also want to check out the ‘Popular Effigies’ for Arjun Singh or Rakhi Sawant or ‘Recent Effigies’ for Richard Gere and co. Protesters can vote for their favourite effigies and a monthly contest would give prizes for the most popular effigies. Needless to say, all effigies would be created from easily combustible but safe materials. There would be an option to assign effigies to news items so that the rationale behind burning the effigy is also explained.

The next step would be to ‘String It Up n Burn It’ where protesters would be given a bunch of options for literally stringing up the effigy and a whole host of ways of burning; this would range from good ole’ kerosene to more diabolical substances like napalm.

For a small fee, protesters can create an online video of the burning and host it forever – this opens up options of ‘Share With Friend’ etc. Protesters can also group together in a chat room while watching the effigies burn with full-on sound effects and such. A fire extinguisher would be provided in case someone changes their mind at the last minute.

To make things easier for protesters, there would a ‘News Tracker’ on the website which could keep track of the latest controversies around the world and a ready list of photos of the controverts (now I am getting creative!).

Effigies need not be limited to celebs/public figures… disgruntled employees could also burn effigies of their bosses/ex-bosses… jilted lovers…. The list is literally endless.

All said and done, it would provide a peaceful and environmentally friendly ways of protesting and burning effigies. Think of the benefits! Less pollution, no traffic jams, ease of access and what not! For those who still believe in the real deal, an e-commerce section would let protesters buy their favourite effigies (or in case of Mandira Bedi, a doll? Not recommended for children below the age of 12). All effigies would be constructed from environmentally friendly materials that would cause minimum pollution and danger when burnt.

So…. Isn’t this a fantastic idea? All those who agree, mail me your cheques and credit card numbers; I will give a fair share of the equity to the believers. All those who don’t (and think that I have finally lost it totally), wait for my next idea…

P.S. I had a pretty bad fall at home last night and hit my head someplace. I have been feeling extra creative ever since, though the two are not necessarily linked.