On detachment and other things

Every minute for the past nine months has been a constant battle in which every day that the battle was prolonged was a victory for me. Blows rained incessantly, rising and ebbing with the tide, each blow taking its toll and drawing blood. I took them like a man and I knew I would win.

My optimism, however, was not shared, and now I suddenly find myself on my knees, cruelly stabbed in the back. Everything that I have done in these months has come to naught and I am left with pieces of life that can be never put together again.

Ladies and gentlemen, I have lost this battle. I have lost precious few but even amongst all of them, this one broke my back the worst; the taste of defeat is the most bitter.

Even as I gather myself and plunge into life anew, I realize how pointless it was to try and change destiny. I thought I could, and for a long time I did. But now I must withdraw and let fate take its own path. I have realized once again that I cannot and should not try to change someone else’s destiny. I should not take on their sorrows and hurt on myself and though I did this to hasten someone’s spiritual progress, if the other does not believe, then all I will ever get is a knife in the back that pierces through my heart.

I was discussing this with Arya in the morning and we were wondering together why it is so, when the topic came around to detachment.

Cliched as it may sound, that is the answer.

Detachment.

The process of recognizing destiny – individual and collective and letting life take its own course, (for after all, everything is pre-ordained?) and ultimately letting things be.
Of performing one’s duty to oneself and Him (both being the same) by being good and doing the right thing (one may call it Dharma) constantly without waiting for the rewards or fruits therein (this is the path that hurts most)

This world, as we perceive and sense it, is nothing but a cosmic creation, an illusion that’s waiting to be broken. No one will break it for me but me, alone. Indeed no one can be expected to understand what I go through, save my Guru and a precious few soul mates (not necessarily lovers). While what I perceive and sense is a microcosm of the whole, nevertheless it is a world in itself. The whole is nothing but the collective of billions of such worlds put together, entwined and engrossed in an intricate dance where paths cross from time to time.

This, therefore, is the path I must take. Unbelievable as it may sound, this is what I have always believed in from the time I have had a conscious memory. Life till date has been a denial of this ultimate truth. I do not regret the time lost, I believe that life has only hammered these teachings into me over the past 28 years. But if I do not take heed of this fact now, I will be the fool.

This is also my most personal post to date; I supplemented it with a spoken version of this post. (To play in your browser, just click on the link. To download, right click and 'save link as')